Friday Night’s Alright For Procrastinating

I’m working early tomorrow so ‘Friday night’ (wo0o0o) is a largely academic proposal. Literally so tonight, as I battle to explain in 1000 well-evidenced yet articulate and accessible words why kiwi fruit are just so damn good for you. I don’t know that it’s even true; they’re currently making me question all my decisions – and they make my mouth hurt… does anyone else get that?

It’s so easy, when you’re putting off an essay or a bit of writing that you just can’t get started on, to do absolutely anything else. If I pitch this right to myself, I might be able to swing it so that the things I do when I’m trying not to write about kiwi fruit* are also things I need to do. I NEED to do the dishes, so if I have a more unattractive prospect (like kiwi fruit) to defer, I might actually do them. I’m currently blogging rather than writing about kiwi fruit, obviously, and when I’ve finished this I’m going to clean the animals out.

The animals in question are three elderly guinea pigs, and two big house bunnies. The bunnies, Frank and Midna, are the perfect pets for me; they don’t like being picked up, but will deign to sit next to us for a stroke or to try and steal knock-off Aldi Oreos. They’re not cute – Frank in particular looks like a blobfish. They’re as aloof, manipulative and independent as an unrewarding cat, but they don’t expect me to have meat in the house (please don’t bring meat to my house) and their pooh doesn’t smell as bad. It’s not lovely, but it’s not as bad as cat pooh.

I’d better go and sort it out.

THEN kiwi fruit.

*or paracetamol, or Wolff-Parkinson-White, or why chiropractors are good or why they aren’t, or vitamin D or the limbic system or why vaccines grown in fetal bovine serum on old dog kidney cells are better than ones grown in the stuff inside fertilised hen’s eggs** or any of the other things I’ve decided I can write something about at a moment’s notice because That’s My Job Now.

**but not that because I’m on an ethical tightrope.***

***nothing in medicine is ethical, except cognitive dissonance.


Published by Elaine Francis

I'm a registered nurse making the jump to freelance writing. I started chronicling my notice period with a view to a smooth segue into full-time writing, but it's become an emotional rollercoaster.

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